Tech companies: Stop posting this ad

Tech companies: Stop posting this ad

Passionate Combustion Piston Fixerer Maker

POSTED JAN 10

SomePeopleSomewhere

 

Hiring: Junior Full Automobile Combustion Tuner Person

Salary: Half

Heya! I’m John Nobody, Co-founder & CEO of EnginesOnMetalFrames. We’re looking for a very passionate full-machine wrench and socket twister to help us build the most powerful go-forward-machine measurement platform for accelerating person moving outcomes across all of human shifting the world has ever seen!

 

Accelerating human shifting outcomes

 

Our mission is to help each human reach their full destination potential. With my business partner, Bob, we are transforming how walkers, bussers, deliverers, and self-drivers understand the effects of their shifting options on individuals so they can make more timely decisions to produce accelerated outcomes.

 

Got Skills?

Ideally you should have:

  • Master’s degree in Mathematics (or equivalent work experience)
  • Strong skills in modern Socket Wrench (US/Metric) techniques.
  • A solid understanding of turning wheels, shocky-wires-no-touchy, and unidirectional fuelflow architectures i.e. Pipes & Tubes.
  • 10 years experience in any technology that is nine years old
  • An appreciation of working with ancient and crufty venerable machines
  • Interest in implementing functional tool-turning techniques
  • The ability to bolt on a straightforward user interface, e.g. steering wheels, go pedals. Stop Pedals? We don’t use Stop Pedals here. It’s GO GO GO!
  • Knowledge of designing schemas (currently using Paper and Pencil, long term looking to switch to Fancy Paper with Pens, or maybe go back to Crayon).
  • Familiarity with zapzap welding for creating Fully inter-connectedable subassembly assemblers.
  • A strong attention to detail • An appreciation for maintainability over cleverness

 

Screw all the things!

 

Our stack:

 

  • Wheels
  • Dead Plankton, sometimes  Electrons
  • Redux  and Oxidize
  • Hammers, Sockets, some Box-wrench

 

We are looking for passionate ratchet turners. If you think that learning about new box wrenches is the shit, and you spend your spare time learning about new ways to turn a bolt, you’ll love working for EnginesOnMetalFrames. Checkout our blog and facebook to get an idea of who we are and what we exist for.